


but no flame burns forever

by kenny_and_pals



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Smut, dont expect much from it, implied dimileth, no happy ending sorry, the smut is pretty minimal cause it was part of the og plan and I didn’t want to scrap it so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20245573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenny_and_pals/pseuds/kenny_and_pals
Summary: you and i both know this all too well





	but no flame burns forever

**Author's Note:**

> omg this is kind of a mess and I didn’t want to post it at first but I ... needed to ... contribute to the tag ... 
> 
> title & summary come from tompkins square park by mumford and sons :)

For all the time spent studying at the Officer’s Academy, Felix never did truly think he’d one day go to war. It was a far cry from his cozy reality, a bad nightmare that would leave you shaking and afraid but above all, thankful it wasn’t real. He didn’t even so much as  _ consider  _ that one day, his classmates (people he regards fondly, though he couldn’t be paid to admit that) might not be by his side anymore, taken by the whims of conflict, whisked away from his life without so much as a goodbye. 

Dying on the field leaves no time for goodbyes. 

Thankfully, that’s not something Felix has to learn the hard way. As if they truly do have the Goddess on their side, none of the people truly important to Felix have been taken away from him just yet. Ingrid remains strong, powerful, just like she’d always been and always will be. The boar, though he thinks himself a walking corpse, doesn’t seem to be willing to give up just yet, driven by ideals of revenge his younger self would’ve been abhorred by. 

And Sylvain… Sylvain continues to be a problem. As always. 

Sylvain, with his infuriating red hair and eyes, with that  _ stupid  _ wink and smirk, continues to be a nuisance he just can’t seem to rid himself of. And Felix is well aware of why, but well, it doesn’t hurt to pretend. It doesn’t hurt to pretend that Sylvain isn’t an important part of his life. Because if it came down to it, Felix knows he’d rather die than have that infuriating and stupid redhead ripped away from his life.

Really, there’s one too many reasons for that. Way too many, and in Felix’s eyes, it’s not fair that someone gets to have this much power over him. And being in love with Sylvain doesn’t exactly help, either. 

But Sylvain doesn’t know that. Felix made sure of it. He made sure to keep his childhood friend at arm’s length, cold and unforgiving in his words, even if Sylvain was relentless when he wanted something to go his way. And yet, it didn’t seem to be enough. 

_ I must be truly cursed _ , Felix thinks to himself one night;  _ to still love someone so unattainable as him.  _

But Felix knows not to underestimate Sylvain. For even if they’ve known each other for longer than he cares to remember, sometimes the redhead is still as unreadable to him as on the day they met each other. So maybe that’s why he fails to see what is to come. 

In his mind, Felix believes there is no way for Sylvain to love him back. It’s just impossible. The day Sylvain Jose Gautier loves a man will be the day that pigs fly. An incorrigible skirt-chaser even in the midst of war, Sylvain truly has not changed one bit. It makes Felix furious. The fact that the same easy-going smile still perpetuates in his life makes it impossible for him to fall out of love.

So when Sylvain approaches him the night before they march up to the Valley of Torment, at first Felix thinks he’s dreaming.

Something is different, Felix can tell. Sylvain is blushing (a wonderful shade of red, matching his hair almost, though he’d be caught dead before he actually told him that), arms crossed across his chest protectively, gaze anywhere but on Felix. His teeth worry at his bottom lip, until a flash of pink tongue slips out to wet it.

“Hey man.” with how quiet he’s being, his deep voice sounds even huskier; Felix has to strain his ears to hear him over the loud conversation hailing from the dining hall. “Listen, can we talk? It’s sort of important.”

“Well, I’ll be.” Felix can’t stop himself from muttering, feeling like stabbing himself when Sylvain grimaces at the (fake) venom in his words. “Sylvain Jose Gautier wants to get serious. Now that’s rich.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want.” Sylvain fakes a grin (Felix can tell when it’s fake by now), eyes dulling with hopelessness. “I really do need to talk to you though. Can we go to my room?”

Ever the persistent one. Felix doesn’t want to. The last thing he needs right now is dealing with his life-long crush when he needs to be as prepared as possible to face his father tomorrow. But the sad look Sylvain sends his way makes him reconsider.

“Okay.” He says, after a long pause. “Fine. But make it quick.”

“You got it!” Sylvain laughs with (fake) cheerfulness and turns his back to Felix, knowing he would follow. And so he does.

Why is everything so fake between them these days?

The entire trek to Sylvain’s quarters, Felix finds himself reflecting upon their relationship- their friendship. When his feelings towards one of his best friends started changing, and so he had to jeopardize their entire dynamic to keep it a secret.

Goddess, he really couldn’t do anything right.

Sylvain pushes the door open quietly, locking it behind him as soon as Felix steps inside. Sylvain’s room is exactly the same as it was back when they frequented the monastery as students. Clothes strewn about, clutter on the floor, desk, bedside table; pretty much a mess everywhere. Felix smiles softly to himself, the fondness becoming impossible to hide for a second, before he straightens up and turns towards his companion with the usual indifference.

“So?” he asks with a raised eyebrow, though his heart is already starting to speed up in his chest. Sylvain clears his throat and gestures to the bed, clearing up some space amidst the chaos so they could both sit comfortably.

“Felix… I-“ Sylvain begins and cuts himself off, running a hand through his fiery red hair with a sigh. It’s been a long while since Felix has seen Sylvain this troubled; the last time was five years ago, when he was tasked with killing his own brother for stealing a relic. Miklain was a shitty brother, but a sibling nonetheless.

“I just- I just wanted to say that I-“ Sylvain stops mid sentence again, gritting his teeth in frustration. Felix’s eyebrows furrow. He’s letting his worry show, isn’t he? He needs to get his emotions in check again. He needs-

“I-I love you.”

What.

“What.” He voices his thoughts almost immediately, eyes widening and palms becoming clammy. Sylvain laughs awkwardly, looking away with a frown, encircling himself with his arms once again.

“That’s what I needed to tell you. I love you. I’m  _ in love  _ with you.” Sylvain breathes out, like he’s letting go of a heavy burden with those words finally up in the air. “I love you so much, Felix. Ever since we were kids, you know?” his voice is starting to turn watery. Felix cranes his neck to get a proper look at Sylvain’s face and sees the beginning of tears pooling up in the corners of his eyes.

Felix doesn’t even know what to say. What  _ can  _ he say? He’s dreamed so much about this one moment, this one fantasy he let himself entertain, and now that it’s actually happened it’s as if his tongue is made of lead. 

Sylvain finally turns to look at him properly. His expression is starting to crumble. “Please say something.” 

Felix takes a breath to calm himself. They’re in  _ Sylvain’s _ room, not his. He can’t run from him. He can take his time with this.

Except he realizes he can’t, because Sylvain is starting to shake, and he looks this close to walking away, his quarters or not.

Naturally, Felix acts on instinct.

He grabs Sylvain’s face by his cheeks, sparing but a moment to thumb at the soft skin and admire the surprised look in those red eyes before he’s bringing him down for a kiss.

Sylvain makes a confused noise in the back of his throat, and it takes him a feel seconds before he melts and starts kissing back. His arms come to rest around Felix’s neck, who pulls away simply because he left Sylvain without an answer.

“I love you too, idiot.” Felix wheezes out against the redhead’s lips. That was his first kiss. His head is spinning.

“O-Oh.” Sylvain answers dumbly, before smiling and diving back in for another kiss. Talking could come later.

  
  


So that’s how Felix finds himself in his current position, scrambling to shove a pillow beneath Sylvain’s lower back almost as an afterthought.

“Hurry up,  _ hurry up _ ” his- lover? friend? whatever -chants, spreading his legs further almost in a daze. The sight alone is enough to make Felix’s breath catch in his throat.

Felix, for all his lack of experience, doesn’t quite know if Sylvain is stretched out enough. He doesn’t really- ok, though it’s hard for him to admit it, he  _ does  _ care, he doesn’t want to hurt Sylvain the first time they get to enjoy each other- but the redhead had been adamant that he was okay, that he was ready, that they were going too damn slow for his tastes.

“I’m not gonna  _ break, _ ” Sylvain huffs between a small laugh, wrapping his legs around Felix to bring him closer. “It’s not like this is my first rodeo.”

Felix pauses at that, gripping one of Sylvain’s legs to make space for himself. “It isn’t?” He questions, feigning nonchalance, but deep down jealousy lightly flares up within him. He knows Sylvain isn’t a virgin.  _ Far _ from it. But this… well, this he didn’t expect. Being on the receiving end hadn’t felt like something Sylvain would do, and yet he was all too eager to volunteer when Felix had questioned how exactly they would do this.

“Well… regular ol’ sex gets a little boring after a while.” Sylvain’s cheeks get even redder; either from Felix starting to nudge up against his hole, or from recalling past experiences. He hopes it’s the former. “Look, can we not talk about this right now, please? I want to think about  _ you _ .”

Felix feels himself smiling at that. He doesn’t need to know about other people fucking Sylvain, because he’s about to do it himself, right now. And hopefully, if things start going right between them, that’ll be something of a permanent arrangement. 

“I’m right here.” He responds, softer than he intended, but it doesn’t matter. Sylvain can’t call him out on it because he’s currently… preoccupied with other things. Such as Felix starting to push into him, tortuously slow.

“Ugh,  _ fuck. _ ” Sylvain throws his head back, sighing and finally relaxing into the mattress. Something like pride fills up Felix’s chest. He’s doing this. He’s the one making Sylvain feel like this.

Soon enough, he’s buried to the hilt in softness and warmth. It feels… heavenly. Perfect. Like the Goddess herself had descended to earth to bless his dick or something like that, not that he’s a particularly religious man. Felix takes a couple seconds to catch his breath, having a minor epiphany over how  _ good  _ sex actually is, until Sylvain’s ragged sigh breaks him out of his trance.

“Are you gonna m-move or what?” He quips, though by the way his breath stutters Felix can tell he’s having a hard time keeping it together. “You’re seriously killing me here, man.” 

He rolls his hips to emphasize, and Felix almost sees stars.

Sex is amazing, Felix concludes, especially if they’re actually moving. With that thought in mind, he grabs a handful of Sylvain’s legs in each hand and pushes them up the slightest bit, enough to make the lancer nearly bend in half.

The gasp that Sylvain lets escape at that already makes this entire escapade worth it. Felix smiles, again, though this time it’s more of a smirk, because he doesn’t think he’s had this much fun in a while.

“Looks like that finally shut you up,” Felix laughs,  _ actually  _ laughs, the sound rare enough to tear Sylvain from his pre-orgasmic haze, staring up at his childhood friend with wide eyes. 

The sheer love behind that look was enough to embarrass Felix so bad he finally starts moving, if only to escape the sudden suffocating feeling that clenches at his heart.

It’s actually a little embarrassing how close he already is. It probably shows through the desperate pace he’s set, hips canting forward without rhyme or reason, all resulting from his inexperience. Not that Sylvain seems to care; the moans and gasps coming from him are more than enough to show Felix just how badly he’s enjoying this.

“Oh  _ Seiros, _ ” he moans, nice and loud, back arching off the bed like he’s about to come. Felix doesn’t know how long they’ve been at it, but considering… well,  _ everything,  _ it’s not a surprise that they might come way too soon for his liking.

Not that it matters. After the war is done, they’ll have more than enough time to take it slow.

Sylvain coming might be the trigger for him to spill his load as well. How can he not, when Sylvain’s walls tighten around him as he rides off his orgasm, gripping like a vice until he buries his face in the redhead’s neck and comes with a shout, spilling inside without a care. He collapses on top of Sylvain, both struggling to catch their breath after what Felix thinks might have been the most mind-blowing orgasm he’s ever had.

He has half a mind to pull out of Sylvain before his dick starts getting soft. His jizz spills from Sylvain’s hole and it’s  _ way  _ too obscene for something that’s supposed to be gross as all hell.

“Ew.” Sylvain closes his legs, frowning down at his pitiful state. Cum was disgusting no matter which way you looked at it, especially when it was starting to stick to his belly, already sweaty enough from the amazing sex he’d just had.

With  _ Felix _ .

Despite everything, Sylvain smiles.

Surprisingly, Felix offers to clean him up. It’s not like he’s going to pass up an opportunity to be pampered, by his crush no less, so he opens his legs again with a suggestive smile.

“Very kind of you.” Sylvain says with a wink. Felix rolls his eyes, using his own shirt to wipe up the mess that he had made out of the redhead, and himself as well. 

(“My ass is gonna hurt so bad tomorrow, Felix.” Sylvain bemoans, earning an annoyed look from the swordsman. “Next time you’re gonna be the one taking it, okay?” 

Though that doesn’t sound half bad to Felix, he has a reputation to maintain. “I’d like to see you try.”)

“...are we going to talk now?” Felix questions, back turned to Sylvain, putting his undergarments back on so he’s not strutting around as naked as on the day he was born. Sylvain doesn’t seem to share the same concern. Instead, he just pulls up the covers over his lower half with a yawn, stretching almost like a cat.

“Hmm, not yet.” He responds with his face already half buried into the pillow, making grabby hands at Felix. “I want to cuddle you so bad right now, though. Maybe snog a little bit.” 

Felix smiles to himself, hiding it behind his hair. The fondness in his heart was almost uncontrollable; Sylvain’s suggestion really did seem quite nice. He climbs back into bed, burrowing under the covers and throwing an arm over Sylvain’s torso.

“Oh wow. How shameless.” The redhead says with a soft laugh, though he returns the gesture, burying his face in the crook of Felix’s neck. “It’s one of the many things I love about you, you know~.”

Felix is very glad Sylvain can’t currently see his face, because he can feel his cheeks going up in flames. His response is simply tightening his grip around Sylvain with a soft grumble. “Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

The small smile he feels against his neck is more than enough to lull him to sleep.

  
  
  


The following morning is a tough one.

When Felix cracks his eyes open, Sylvain is already awake. He can tell, because his breathing isn’t even, and the arms wrapped around his midsection are squeezing him in a death grip. Forcing back a yawn, Felix squeezes back momentarily, before letting Sylvain go and trying to wrestle out of his bear hug.

“Noooo,” Sylvain whines, bringing Felix closer to his chest with that impressive strength of his,  _ damn him,  _ before burying his face back into the pillow. “The sun’s not even out yet…”

Felix huffs, trying (and failing) to push Sylvain’s arms away. “We have to leave early today.” He replies curtly, and then immediately regrets it, because suddenly those very same arms are tensing up and Sylvain goes uncharacteristically quiet.

Before Felix can even begin to try to figure out what the hell it was that he fucked up this time, Sylvain breaks the silence himself, speaking with his lips practically glued to the nape of Felix’s neck.

“Hey… you meant what you said last night, right?” It’s a hesitant question, almost like he’s afraid of the answer. Felix lets out a breath through his nose, twisting in Sylvain’s grip to face him properly, much like the way they had fallen asleep the night prior.

“Of course I did, you dolt.” Felix all but whispers, bringing his hands up to cup Sylvain’s face. The way the redhead relaxes into his hold is nearly enough to make Felix melt. He purses his lips, hesitating for just a second, before reaching up to give Sylvain a kiss on the forehead. The grin he gets in response makes the embarrassment worth it.

“We really do need to get up now, though.” 

Though Sylvain takes an extra ten minutes to get out of bed and complains about it the entire time, eventually they set out to the dining hall for an early breakfast. Not many people are awake just yet. The boar is there, of course. Felix avoids his questioning gaze when he walks in with Sylvain in tow, joined almost at the hip. The professor is also present. Sitting close to Dimitri as always, practically his shadow. Not even Dedue is awake yet. Sylvain was right about it being too early; the sun is just barely starting to peek out from behind the mountains in the distance.

Breakfast goes by quietly. More and more people start filtering in as time passes. Sylvain holds Felix’s hand under the table. It’s good. It feels nice. At least, it’s a pleasant distraction from the fact that he’ll have to face his father in only a few hours. 

They have to leave eventually. Sylvain goes back to his room to put on his armor. Felix is about to do the same, not at all very excited to begin the march to the Valley of Torment, when a hand on his shoulder stops him on his tracks. 

“Felix. A word, if I may.” 

That’s probably the most words Felix has heard his professor say to him at once.

“Careful.” Is all Byleth says for a couple seconds. Felix is about to ask if he’s done, when he follows up with something else. “Nurturing a relationship like this is risky for times of war.” 

He doesn’t need to elaborate on just what ‘relationship’ he’s talking about. Felix scoffs, shoulders hunching up and posture tensing.

“As if you’re one to talk. I’m not blind, professor.” He sneaks one look at the boar, who probably set Byleth up to this whole thing himself. He’s awful at pretending he’s not listening in. “Maybe you should follow your own advice first.” 

He walks away.

  
  
  


Felix has never been good with horses. They hate him, he hates them. It’s as simple as that. But there hasn’t been a moment before in his life where he wished he was a cavalry soldier as badly as this.

Sylvain is a front-liner. Because of course he is. It never bothered Felix before, but now, as they’re getting into position to march, he’s this close to begging the professor to hitch a ride with the redhead.

“Relax,” Sylvain laughs in response to his fretting. “Never thought you’d be so overprotective. We’re not going there to fight, anyway.”

“Still…” Felix looks around, making sure no one’s watching them (especially a certain boar and his two lapdogs) before he takes Sylvain’s hand in his own, running his gloved thumb over armored knuckles. “I have a bad feeling about this.” 

“Stop, you’re gonna jinx it!” Sylvain has the nerve to  _ laugh _ at him; though before Felix can get too angry, he’s leaning down for a peck on the cheek.

Felix’s face blooms into color, of course. Before he can retaliate, Sylvain is already pulling away, though still holding his hand.

“I’ll be ok.” The smile he gives Felix is reassuring enough. “Promise me you’ll be ok, too.”

Something lodges itself in his throat, and a heavy feeling starts settling in the pit of his stomach. Felix isn’t too familiar with the feeling of wanting to cry, especially not out of some silly emotion like  _ love  _ of all things, but in this moment, looking at Sylvain’s handsome (genuine) smile, eyes shining with the sincere promise behind them, he wants nothing more but to damn it all to hell and bawl his eyes out until he can’t anymore.

After the war is done… he might as well put a ring on it.

“Of course I’ll be ok.” He chokes back a sob, blinking away tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes. Sylvain squeezes his hand and pretends not to notice. “I promise. I promise, Sylvain.” 

At this point, they might as well hug it out, Felix thinks as he’s dragged into a similar position to the one he woke up in. He knows some people are staring by now, because what is a cavalry soldier doing lingering around with foot soldiers?, but he doesn’t care about keeping up airs anymore. He hugs Sylvain back just as strongly, vowing to himself to honor his promise.

He can only hope Sylvain will do the same.

  
  
  


Things go downhill absurdly fast.

Before Felix can even consider getting a word in with his father, the Imperial troops are upon them. And not even proper Imperial troops; but the remnants of House Rowe, the traitorous cowards. He doesn’t know how it happened, but of course there had to be a mole within their ranks.

_ Just my luck _ , Felix thinks as he cuts down soldier after soldier after soldier.

It’s a hard fought battle; the terrain is in no means favorable to them (it’s called the Valley of Torment for a reason), and the Rowe troops just keep coming in. Cornelia planned all of this to perfection. It’s clear that she hopes to destroy them here and now, fast and inhumane.

Surprisingly, the tides start turning in their favor. Of course, having an almost-deity fighting alongside the Kingdom sure helps. Felix takes a second he shouldn’t have wasted to pause and watch his professor, relentlessly cutting down anyone that dares come near him and Dimitri, making a bee line directly to where Gwendal awaits them. The sight gives him just enough hope that they might win this, after all- gives him just that last little push he needs to keep fighting. He has a promise to keep, and he doesn’t intent on disappointing Sylvain.

Speaking of Sylvain, Felix hasn’t come across him in a while now. That’s not  _ too  _ worrying, but after Byleth strikes Gwendal down and Rowe’s soldiers start their retreat, Felix starts to grow worried when he can’t spot that familiar black steed and scratched armor making their way to their commander and prince, along with all of the other exhausted soldiers.

“Sylvain?” Felix calls out, and other than a few weird looks throw in his direction, no redhead steps forward to greet him. He sheaths his sword, panic starting to bubble up in his chest, as he starts walking forward and away from Byleth, back into the battlefield.

It’s a gruesome scene. Now that he doesn’t have to pay close attention to enemies charging at him from all directions, Felix is painfully aware of the bodies scattered across the field, crumpled carelessly on the dirt as death comes to stake its claim. He can’t find Sylvain anywhere though, which is as good as it’s worrying.

Felix is about to call out again, heart hammering in his chest, when he spots a familiar black mount grazing on the scarce pasture of the battlefield, and no rider perched atop of its back.

Felix chokes, changing directions painfully fast and heading towards the stupid horse. It sees him coming and simply huffs in acknowledgement, blissfully unaware of the carnage around it. Felix wants to  _ scream _ .

He wants to scream especially because a little ways away from the damned horse, there’s another body. Except  _ this  _ body is clearly alive, and in pain, if the lance pierced across their midsection is anything to go by.

Obviously, it’s Sylvain.

“You promised!” is the first thing that comes out of Felix’s mouth as he rushes to Sylvain’s side. His face is crumpled up in pain, hands clenching and unclenching around the lance stuck in his body, trying to pull it out but having no strength to do so. “You liar, you promised me you’d be ok!” 

“Felix,” Sylvain tries to speak, but the blood spilling out of his mouth is making it hard for him to even breathe. Somehow, beneath the haze of panic his mind was plunged in, Felix has enough insight to raise Sylvain’s head and prop it up on his lap, so he doesn’t choke to death on his own blood.

“Stop talking, stop talking!” He’s wailing at this point, powerless to stop the bleeding from the wound. Felix is no medic, but he’s not stupid; the lance definitely pierced Sylvain’s stomach, and without an actual healer that can do _ something _ about it, the love of his life is going to bleed to death right here, in his arms. “I-I’m going to find Mercedes and you’ll be alright. Can you hang in there for me?”

“I don’t wanna die,” Sylvain’s eyes are hazy, unfocused, and slowly they begin to fill up with tears. Felix wipes his cheeks, trying his best not to give up to the hopeless feeling clawing at his heart.

“You’re not!” He doesn’t dare say the word. It would make this real, it would make this  _ unbearable _ , and right now Felix desperately needs to focus. If he pulls out the lance carelessly as he so desperately wants to, Sylvain is just going to bleed out faster. He can’t carry the redhead like this either, not with that huge of a weapon sticking out of his body. His best bet would be leaving to find help, but he doesn’t want to leave Sylvain alone-

“Felix.” 

This time, Sylvain’s voice has an unnerving clarity to it. Felix looks back at him, seeing tears that match his own. Despite everything though, Sylvain sports a sincere, although weak, smile.

“It’s alright.” His hand finds Felix’s. His grip is weak, nothing like it was when they’d woken up that same morning,  _ goddess it felt like an eternity ago _ , but somehow still hanging on. Felix sniffles in response.

“What?” 

“I said it’s alright.” Sylvain repeats, though he gets interrupted by a painful cough. Some of his blood splatters on Felix’s cheek, but he doesn’t care enough to wipe it up. Right now, his world is crashing down around him, and he can’t find his footing to stand up.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise…” the redhead trails off, voice warped with emotion. He tries to squeeze Felix’s hand, but it barely makes a difference. “I-I was really looking forward to our life together, you know?”

Felix can’t even speak at this point. He’s never cried this much in his  _ life _ , not even when they were kids and everything was a problem and he’d always come crying to Sylvain about it.

Always Sylvain and no one else.

He finds it in himself to lean down and press a lingering kiss to Sylvain’s forehead. He felt feverish. Some part of Felix hopes this is all a nightmare and he’ll wake up in his bed, back at the monastery, maybe even back during their academy days when all their worries now seemed so simple and futile.

“I love you.” He says against Sylvain’s skin. The redhead laughs, somehow, eyelids growing heavier by the second.

“I know.” Sylvain’s breath stutters and Felix is positive that he’s going to die with him. “I love you too…” 

When his chest falls and doesn’t rise again, Felix’s world ends in that very moment.

It really was idiotic of him to believe promises coming from someone as stupidly insatiable as Sylvain Jose Gautier.

-

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you had a great time


End file.
